Taking Back Childhood by Nancy Carlsson-Paige
Author:Nancy Carlsson-Paige [Carlsson-Paige, Nancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101213926
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2008-03-26T16:00:00+00:00
Annie: I made this picture for you, Daddy.
Dad: Wow. You made a big green shape here with a long purple line along the side.
Annie: Yeah. It’s a boat with a paddle. And here’s the fish.
Dad: Oh, so you made a boat and you even put a fish in the picture.
Annie: It’s of when you go fishing!
Here, when Annie’s dad observes the big green shape with the long purple line next to it, he’s describing what he sees in the drawing, which lets her know that he’s genuinely interested in what she’s doing. Comments that describe instead of evaluate often start with “you” instead of “I.” They encourage kids to look inward for direction instead of looking only for outside approval, while at the same time letting them know that we are genuinely interested in what they do. And engaging in this kind of dialogue opens up lines of communication.
We have endless opportunities throughout the day to talk to our children—about how they act, what they build, what they draw, how they look. If we pay more conscious attention to the kinds of comments we make on a regular basis, we can help ensure that we will have a strong influence on what qualities our kids come to believe are important. With our daughters, we can be especially conscious about making comments that describe instead of evaluate, especially when it comes to appearance. Do we say, “You’re so pretty,” thereby giving them a version of the same message they get from commercial culture about what’s important? Or do we say, “Tell me about what you made with the Legos” or “That was so kind of you to share your snack with me.” These comments give another message: I value what you do; I appreciate who you are. When we have conversations like these with our children, we help them combat the marketing forces that focus them on seeking external approval rather than exploring their own unique interests and attributes.
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Early Childhood | Parenting Boys |
Parenting Girls | School-Age Children |
Single Parents | Teenagers |
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